Sunday, April 16, 2006

Unusually Emotion-Filled Personal Post with an Absence of Detail.

Alright, I am Officially Annoyed.

If annoyance was really something that could be certified as official, I would likely be fast-tracked to the front of the line. I wouldn’t need to have an affidavit commissioned, or a DNA sample submitted, or a cover letter created. The officials would take one look at my face from their vantage across the counter and see that I was bona fide annoyed.

They would stamp my certificate and I could go home and sulk. Officially.

And it is worse than just feeling like I have endured the misfortune of something outside of my control. No, this annoyance comes from not even understanding the rules of the game. And in not understanding the rules, the super plus annoyance comes from wondering whether it is actually in my power to prevent this annoyance in the first place. Or whether annoyance is the appropriate strategy. Or whether I should be working on a strategy at all.

I am rather staring into a black box and any time I see a glimmer of shape inside it, I immediately ascribe all sorts of supporting, clarifying, enhancing detail. So it is about 10% truth, and 90% fabrication. And as one friend says, someone who lies 1% of the time is a liar. So it is actually my fault.

Because if I could just sit patiently and wait for the detail to fill in slowly, I wouldn’t have to create these fictions that shatter when I take them from the box and hold them up to the light and see that they are actually not what I imagined them to be.

But sitting patiently doesn’t feel right to me.

So perhaps the best I can do is just be honest about what I can and cannot see and wait for those with the illumination capabilities to do their thing.

And I should give people the benefit of the doubt. Always.

And strangely, I feel like my annoyance has been downgraded from a red to a yellow alert. Good stuff.


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