Somewhere, deep down at a micro-cellular level, discrete portions of my double helices are slowly waking up, uncoiling, unzipping, and coded bits of never-expressed-before traits are suddenly being copied and pumped out as tiny behavior/body-altering protein machines.

Last Monday I cried as I held my best friend’s new baby for the first time.

Note the awakening of:

Maternally inherited, late-onset trait #1: crying from happiness gene
Maternally inherited, late-onset trait #2: not being scared of holding tiny people gene and maybe even liking them gene.

This week, at the gym, I sat on the gigantic hunk of steel known as the “Hammer Strength.” I examined the faceless, pumped-up Demo Man who appears on the side of every machine with his primary working muscle group coloured red, and his secondary working muscle group coloured blue.

Here, hammer strength Demo Man’s back muscles were red, and his shoulders were blue.

As I pulled down on the big levers, I suddenly felt a shooting pain up my lower back.

Note the awakening of:

Paternally inherited, late-onset trait #1: bad back gene

Today, I sat on the couch in the office of my co-workers. We were chatting. It was typical twenty-something banter.

Then, I had what can only be regarded as an out of body experience. Or was it a possession? I felt my voice box vibrate for just a few seconds. It took my brain a few more to process that horrifying sequence of words that had emanated from my mouth.

One part pun. One part wink-wink nudge-nudge. All knee slapper.

I welcome:

Paternally inherited, late-onset trait #2: dad humour gene

Finally, an end to the nature vs. nurture debate: It’s all nature folks. Cruel, cruel, nature.